2013 was the 1st year I made a “Shit That Scares Me” list.
Instead of making a list of New Year’s Resolutions (New Year, (Never a) New Me!) I made a list of things I’ve always wanted to do, but was holding myself back from doing because of fear (aka limiting beliefs). Fear of judgement from other’s mostly, which turns out is actually fear of judgement from myself because wow, I am real asshole to myself.
That 1st list included things like:
Take dance lessons.
Go on a date (this was my first year not married or living with a romantic partner).
Take a yoga class in a studio.
After I made the list, I set about doing those things. Over the years this tradition has continued. It’s a sort of bucket list of things my ego tells me I’m too old, fat, ugly, stupid or poor to do.
This list is a sort of “fuck you” to the mean girl who lives in my head.
And it’s given me some of the best experiences of my life.
Some things I’ve done off these “Shit That Scares Me” lists:
Learn West Coast Swing Dancing and made some life long friends and lots of good memories.
Not only take yoga classes in a studio, but go on yoga retreats (again making life long friendships and fantastic memories) and eventually completing a 200 hr yoga teacher training course and teaching yoga publicly.
Go White Water Rafting (turns out I love it - I’m actually a mild adrenaline junkie - who knew).
Write a novel.
I still make this list every year, though as I’ve gotten older the items on my list aren’t as “fun and crazy” and are more about authenticity and supporting myself as a creative or healer.
Those early lists were about finding myself after my (two) divorce(s), and reclaiming the narrative that I am, in fact, a brave free-spirit who is up for anything. That’s still true, but the “anything” is more “most things”. I have a lot more guide rails in place these days to support my physical and mental health and to set future Megan up for success.
This year’s list is a mix of “shit that scares me” and “things I haven’t been prioritizing because of my people pleasing nature/ego”:
2025’s list looks like this (in no particular order):
Move to a smaller apartment - downtown or East Lawrence. Smaller, cheaper, and probably fewer amenities, but within walking distance of coffee shops, the library, my home yoga studio and a few friends.
Apply to grad school - I’d like to become a lic. therapist in the next 5 years. I’d like to start grad school in 2026 part-time and be a fully licensed therapist by 2028/29.
Submit the novel I wrote (all those years ago) for publication and finish the next one.
Complete 300 hr YTT and start teaching publicly again. I’d like to host a weekly class or monthly workshop with accessibility for larger bodies. Yoga is still so damn skinny white girl heavy and I’ve had some shitty teachers who didn’t know how to teach larger bodies.
Publish here regularly.
Prioritize my own health - figuring out the right combo to becoming pain free (I have myofascial pain syndrome in my right leg). This is only scary because it means deprioritizing social and work obligations that I’ve routinely been up for/available for without hesitation. I worry about revoking access to me and how that’s going to change my relationships/reputation.
Write and produce a one woman play about marriage and dating in the modern age. Y’all, I have some STORIES.
Prioritize my financial future over DOIING ALL THE THINGS fun.
Fall in love again. ←This one actual scares the shit out of me, but I’d like try.
Whatever the universe sees fit to send me. I always leave number 10 blank as a wink to the universe that I know better than to truly make plans - or rather form attachment to said plans.
This year isn’t so much “shit that scares me” as “shit I haven’t been doing because I’ve been letting my parent’s/friend’s/society’s expectations run my life”. My priorities this year are living more authentically and sustainably - both for myself and the environment. For me, this looks like downsizing and living cheaper, saying no to expensive travel and events while I prioritize grad school and ultimately a career shift that, at least for awhile, will see a major downsize in my yearly income.
This year is also about stopping external validation as my main source of validation. I’d be lying (mostly to myself) if I said that I didn’t over identify with my job title, my zip code, and the stamps in my passport (along with the instagram photos and likes).
This year feels a lot like a first draft. There’s a lot on this list that will put me back in a beginner or novice mindset. I’m learning how to take care of myself better (aging is WILD), to disappoint people and not place all my worth on achieving and doing. Though, certainly, I’m looking forward to achieving and doing things.
Do you make resolutions? What are they and how do you decide what to put on the list?