I Don’t Want a Glow-Up, I Want a Nap
I'm about to take 5 weeks off and I will not be getting up at 5 a.m. to do push-ups
The Glow-Up Pressure is Real
There’s a note on my phone titled Project Glow Up: it was meant as a summer reset and by reset I meant “finally get my shit together and be who society tells me I should be.”
This note goes on forever and it has sections with titles from various self-help books/articles/strategies with lists of things to do or not do to. It’s pretty restrictive and rigid. Nowhere in there does “time for joy or rest” appear.
Somewhere between the jade roller and the six-step morning routine, I realized I was tired just reading the list. Not just sleepy. Soul-tired.
I’ve been Soul-Tired for a while now.
I’ve been chasing things I think I should be chasing, putting effort into things that do not bring me joy but could bring me some prestige or privilege.
My Mom’s death and subsequent new role as caregiver to Dad has just brought it all into very sharp focus.
I spend endless minutes/hours making lists of all the things I’m not doing good enough. But I rarely ask the question: good enough for whom?
Glow-up culture is everywhere: new body, new hair, new vibe, new life.
The subtle (and not-so-subtle) message: if you’re not constantly improving, you’re doing life wrong. Especially targeted at women—aging women, single women, "tired" women. AKA - women like me.
Things I’ve recently done participating in Glow Up Culture but have told myself are self-care:
Microneedling
Botox
Hydra-facials (see a pattern here? I apparently am dissatisfied with my face?)
Investigated a pilates membership (holy sh*t are those $$$)
Waxed all the things
Fancy face wash, serums, eye-creams
$40 28 day manifestation course that was only accessible for 31 days and I did exactly 4 days of.
New digs, new furniture ← this one actually feels like self-care and aligning with my values as it’s smaller and very walkable and right in the thick of it which puts me in community.
Endless books on improving myself, understanding myself or becoming the best version of myself.
Working late, saying yes to things I do not have capacity for - both at work and socially.
Social media posts disguised as gratitude that are really just “Look at me, I’m doing it right!” posts see the humble brag below about being able to purchase $40 worth of Farmer’s Market flowers and eat daily at an award nominated bakery.
What Glow-Up Culture Is Really Selling
Reinvention as erasure: I’m not growing into myself participating in all this shit, but out of the version that’s no longer marketable. Heaven forbid I just like my face and my body and stop spending my money trying to look younger or hotter. Heaven forbid I don’t look exactly like everyone else. How fucking boring.
It’s not just about how you *look*—it’s about optimizing your entire existence. Cold showers to lower HRV, fast for x hours to hack your insulin levels, productivity hacks, get more done before 9 a.m. than most people get all day. It touches every single part of our lives.
The cult of productivity disguised as “self-care.”: Wake up at 5am, drink celery juice, journal manifestations, get abs, do breath work, build a brand.” Now, some of these things I’m actually a fan of - journaling and breath work are go to’s for me to manage my mental health and make sure I’m focused on what matters to me but when they become another “to do” they start to hurt more than they help.
Has it occurred to us that the need to optimize everything may actually be the problem? Maybe we just need a nap?
The moment I knew I had to take time off was when a loose gas cap sent me to the mechanic.
In the middle of the crazy of the race to get my dad into his new house and both of us out of my townhouse my check engine light came on.
I took it to AutoZone and had them run the diagnostic.
The sweet man who helped me looked at me with the softest expression and gently asked, “have you recently filled up your gas tank?”
When I filled up my tank, I put the gas cap back in the hole, but didn’t twist it to lock it. As I drove around it came loose and triggered the check engine light.
The parallels were not lost on me. I’ve been filling my tank but not twisting the cap to lock it.
Things that have been muscle memory my entire life are getting lost. Balls are getting dropped, so far they have mostly been the plastic ones, but I am coming close to dropping one of the little glass ones that will never be put back together properly.
Three days in a row I got out of my car and started walking away - leaving it running.
I need rest. I need space and time to think, to feel, to be fully present.
My brain is screaming at me to use this time away wisely - and by wisely it means to make myself “better”.
The stress of this year can be seen in my appearance - my skin looks dull and my face puffy. My frown lines have deepened. My mid-section is softer and rounder than it was. The muscles that hold me upright are taught and tight. I have a series of active trigger points down the right side of my leg and front of my right quad. My nails are brittle and there is more hair in the shower drain than usual.
My body does not need 5 a.m. push-ups, it needs sleep, a massage and a field of grass where I can lay in the sun and nap - like a little wild creature would.
How I’ll be spending my time instead:
Taking an afternoon nap instead of doing another online course.
Going for a walk without tracking steps. listening to a podcast or even carrying my phone.
Lounging on the couch with my dog.
Reading a saucy book. Or not reading at all. I may just stare at the wall for a while.
Going to every coffee shop within walking distance and comparing flat whites to figure out who has the best one (bonus points for cutest barista).
Deleting that fucking note.
Yes, I will be using this time away from work to find care/help for my dad and close my mom’s estate - things that have been dragging on and on because they take time and energy - time and energy I do not have.
I will also be cooking my way through a seasonal cookbook (and having friends over to eat the meals) and perfecting a few cocktails to make at home.
And did I mention napping?
My friend, Rachel, is a public speaker and workshop leader empowering women. She uses the term “Favorite Self” over “Best Self” and I love how it empowers and prioritizes rest and alignment with core values.
So instead of using the time away to become “my best self”, I’m going to use it to become my “most rested self”.
Because I don’t need to be:
* More toned.
* More productive.
* More healed.
* More polished.
Even if I accomplished those things - I’d still be me, with the same feelings of grief and exhaustion - just with darker bags under my eyes and even less space in my brain/heart.
Fundamental truths:
Resting is not lazy—it’s holy. You don’t need to earn it. It’s your divine human right.
The version of you right now doesn’t need an upgrade—she needs a nap and a snack. She needs care and love.
Rest is resistance.
My Glow-Up is a Lie-Down, a quieting so I can hear myself think and feel in body what my heart and nervous system have been screaming at me for the last two years.
I may, in fact, get up at 5 a.m. but only because I went to bed at 8 p.m. and my body got enough rest. It will certainly not be for push-ups, but maybe for a lazy sunrise walk and a second cup of coffee - not for the jolt, but for the love of a good cup of coffee and because the morning shift barista is very cute (and fun to flirt with).
Take a nap, darling, just existing entitles you to one.
XOXO,
Megan